Loss and new life

So far this year I have lost a brother and gained a nephew.

 All in the space of 2 days.

 I don't want this to be a depressing entry so I'll keep it kinda short.

My brother and I have a lot in common. A LOT. Despite an almost 10 year age gap we were very much alike. From our temperament to simply just our taste in music and movies. When he first broke the news of his cancer, it was through tears he told me that he had a feeling I would be the hardest of our siblings to tell.

I have never lost a family member before and I can't describe the feeling.

My brother Jason endured a short but brave fight against a very aggressive cancer and sadly he lost the battle.

The very next day his wife gave birth to Jack, their first born.

A widow one day, a mother the next.

I will always miss Jason and I am so grateful that he has lived on in my nephew Jack.

Jack is such a beautiful little boy and he looks so much like his daddy. See for yourself.

The above image is my 19 year old mother with her first born son Jason.

My baby nephew Jack.

There has always been a running joke from family and friends that I am fairly limited in regards to feelings and emotions. Dealing with them, expressing them, hell even having them. I suppose it was for this reason that perhaps I was given the job of putting together the photo slide show and the 'order of service' booklet for Jason's funeral.

 Lucky for me my very supportive partner was there in her shining armour to take the reigns and make sure we had them both done in time. After being told for so long that I was an emotionally retardent robot, it was with great shock and disdain to discover that I am all but not. The last few weeks have brought scary bursts of anger and frustration, unexplained tantrums, spaced out confusion and many, many, many tears.

 Robot?

 I think not.