A change is in the air

A brand new shiny year has just begun and I have decided to start making an effort and actually blog on here again. My ever so talented wife has offered to clean up Paperdoll and make it pretty for me. Even with just the few changes she has made so far I'm already really inspired, yay!

The last 6 months have been mostly up but at times a little down. After years of talking about it, my partner and I have started the process into starting our family. It's really been quite mind consuming for me and at times I've felt like a crazy person. It's almost as if something snapped in me and now it's all I can think about – baby, baby, baby.  

All. The. Time.

I have decided to keep all the lesbian baby making details off this blog as I would like this space to be somewhere I can go to escape from my infant obsessed brain. Somewhere I can share stories, music, hopes, food, craft projects, odd memories and all the other parts of my life that don't involve trying to conceive. I have another blog kept nice and separate from this one where I'm documenting our family to be, so if you are interested in finding out more about that then you can head on over and have a read at www.ladyladybaby.com.

Pretty sure I have mentioned in the past that I always try to set myself a yearly challenge. Last year I didn't set myself one and I ended up regretting the fact. All I need to do this year is keep a book and make a record each day of something good that happened to me or something I'm grateful for. Just a couple of sentences describing a positive aspect of my day. Big or small. So this year I'm back on track and even though my challenge itself is pretty simple, keeping up with it daily might prove to be difficult. Time shall tell.

Today is day one and so far I'm succeeding! Go me.

My first breakfast of the new year, below. Take me back there, yum.

I'll be jumping back and forth between my 2 blogs but I promise to be a little more regular with my posts than I have been over the last year. You have my word.

<3

F-word... Friday!

Hope everyone has a relaxing weekend ahead of them.

Mine is going to be very low key and I cant wait.

Lots of quiet, cute tunes and perhaps some more painting.

This one has been a favourite as of late.

Thelma Plum - Around here

Why don't we have trams in Brisbane damn it.

Happy weekend all

♥

Waterfalls, lunch dates and picnics.

Those 10 days I had off work went way too fast.

Most started with a massive sleep in.

Splendid.

Thought I would share a few photos taken... not of us sleeping.

Those taken out and about.

We had never been down to Lamington National Park to see the Natural Arch

so we put that at the top of our list.

I have to say it's quite spectacular!

We also like to eat.

So off to Harajuku Gyoza for a mid week lunch date we went.

Yum...

Then came the very special engagement picnic.

A few of our friends decided to put us up in an apartment for the weekend.

This meant we wouldn't have to rush around on Saturday morning

and could wine and dine ourselves silly the night before.

We decided on the Powerhouse for drinks to watch the sun disappear,

then headed downstairs to Watt Restaurant a bit later for dinner.

 

 

The next morning was so sunny and blue we couldn't believe our luck.

It started off with really good coffee and a delicious breakfast at Vue in New Farm

before heading down to set up for the picnic.

We even saw a gentleman out for a ride on his penny farthing.

This more than made my morning.

 

 

The whole day stayed gorgeous and we drank, ate and chatted to friends.

Some of who we don't always get to see too often.

It was pretty special and the whole day meant a lot.

We made almost all the props ourselves and recieved quite a few compliments.

Especially on the sign.

 

The next morning it was time to check out of the place we were staying and head home.

We were feeling pretty tired and bit hungover.

We quickly realised the smartest thing we could do was to throw down a blanket and soak in the sun.

Partner this with water, coffee, hot chips and someone you love,

you have a yourself a tried and proven hangover cure.

 

 At that point I was feeling pretty fucking happy.

Then my love frizbees a card my way.

I thought it must have been a card from one of the guests from the picnic

but it was from her. 

'Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life'

♥

I can't wait.

 

♥

 

Bitter sweet.

It's been a few weeks since I last posted.

Reason being is that life has been pretty uneventful.

 Right now I'm counting down the next 3 days until I have 10 consecutive days off work.

Yewwwwww.

 To be honest it's a little bitter sweet.

Candice are I were supposed to be heading to Japan for a short holiday.

But alas, it wasn't meant to be.

The third party that we were going to be travelling with

had to cancel last minute due to passport issues.

Poor dude was born in a country that doesn't actually exist anymore so

getting that damn passport proved harder than first anticipated.

The whole trip has now been postponed.

Until when? Who knows.

 So while I'm thrilled to have time off work, we don't really have any exciting plans.

I few horrible suggestions include:

• Painting the interior of the house
• Unpacking more boxes
•  Mowing the lawns
• Wash Luna because she is starting to smell like a hamster.

Yeah, you recognise the bitter part yet?

 

To be perfectly honest with you, I don't see us achieving ANY of those.

(exception being the dog washing... I have an extremely 

sensitive sense of smell and dogs that smell like hamsters are unbearable)

We're way too good at procrastinating and much prefer

sleeping in, drinking late and other such gluttonous behaviour.

So there you have the bitter part.

 

The sweet part is due to:

 

 (a) not being at work, and

(b) my lovely and I are finally having a little engagement picnic

 

That's right folks.

One of us, who shall remain nameless, proposed last year.

The other said yes.

However, for quite some time it was a rather depressing subject for us,

given that we couldn't actually get married. 

>sad face<

But recently our lovely little neighbour island, New Zealand, legalised gay marriage.

Now, I know that it won't be recognised in Australia.

But you know what? We have been in this relationship for six and half years. 

We've loved and supported each other, 

grown and learnt from mistakes,

helped each other through grief,

and above all stayed strong.

So to you, the Australian government, I firmly raise my middle finger.

While you may not legally recognise it our vows, 

I dare you to tell me that my heart won't be married.

 

 ♥

Where art thou Lantern

So you may have seen in a previous post that I want to 

let go a floating lantern into the night sky.

It may just be some weird girly hormone but the following video made my eyes produce tears.

Not many, but a salty liquid was most definitely leaking from my eyes.

Just the idea of letting go.

Any lingering sadness, insecurities, criticisms, grief...

Then just absorbing the beauty of it.

I feel that I need this now.

My life is really jam packed with goodness these days.

However, I still want to make room for more by 

ridding myself of all the negative emotions I carry around.
I want to fill the inside of my lantern with everything bad that has ever happened to me,
every horrible thing that I've convinced myself I deserve
and then let that beautiful golden fucker float far, far, far away.

Oh lantern, when can I let you go?

11,000 paper lanterns from Dorothy Snarker on Vimeo.

Chords get struck

Tonight I heard a song that I really felt.

Not a happy feeling, I suppose.

But cords were definitely struck.

She sings with such sorrow and has the power to

squeeze my little heart with her words.

I'm sure every song has it's own meaning to the ears that listen.

For me, this song takes me back to my past.

A relationship that continued to exist even though it had really ended for both of us.

Feeling safe yet unhappy in her arms.

Not wanting to inflict hurt.

Afraid of moving on.

Knowing that our love was slowing morphing into an unknown hate.

Yet the moments of happiness feel like enough to stay together.

It hurts less than ending.
 But it's hard to forget how messed up our relationship became in the end.

Wendy.

I'll always wish she was here

and I will forever wonder if we could have been friends by now.

 I'll never stop mourning her and the life she had waiting.

 I imagine her with the girlfriend she craved and deserved.

The life she should have lived.

Sometimes the past is difficult to visit.

Daughter - Still

Infatuation of the week #7

The oh so little,

Ellen Page

Petite and just the right amount of tomboyish.

Infatuated.

I'm not one for many words today so here are some lovely shots.

Yeah you do.

This Canadian lady doesn't mind making fun of herself either.

She is also super sweet and funny, making her ma's fav song
into a dodgy home movie film clip.
Featuring the hilarious Alia Shawkat from Arrested Developement
and as seen in the previous clip, Sean Tillman.

Happy weekend all

♥

Hello there scrambled brain

Ever have those days where you just can't sort out your thoughts?

Well, I'm having one of those horrible days today.

I'm rotating onto graveyard shift tonight and I should be asleep.

I'm not and doubt I will.

My head has a billion things running through it.

So my plan is to write them down.

Maybe then, my body will let my eyes stay shut.

Things I'm feeling today. 

-Stressed over a few issues at work

-Fat, bloated and generally unattractive

-Overwhelmed with all the packing to do and the fact that both 

Candice and I are excellent procrastinators

-Wanting to set some goals

-Worried about my health

-Wanting to cut out the small amounts of fish and chicken I've been eating and

focus even more on vegetables and grains

-Frightened that I'm not ready for the start of university

-Daunted by how many changes this year is bringing

-Wanting to just call in sick to work but knowing my conscience won't allow me

-Frustrated

-Emotional

-Nervous

-Tired

 

Historically I don't do very well with change, even when it's things I want.

I know it doesn't make sense.

I've never been one of those people that can brainwash themselves into feeling better.

But I'm going to try with a few of those positive affirmation quotes.

Desperate times, people.

♥